Some Thoughts on Fatherhood

Fatherhood is not a biological accident. It isn't about a winning swimmer, it is also not about being a source of money and food and object. It is not a proud proclamation of your manhood. There is nothing incidental about being a father. Being a father is a thoughtful and conscious decision. It is a decision to love, to protect, to comfort, to be the buoyant wind beneath soaring dreams. It is a selfish decision to lose the self, and to seek the purpose of life in someone else's goals. It is not a default outcome of an arbitrary natural process. It is the choice a man makes, when he decides to reach out to divinity, by surrendering his own mortality, by lighting the candle of his life, to enlighten the dark alleys of life for his progeny.

It would be preposterous though it is extremely common to put oneself on a pedestal for the reason of having given birth to a child. That in itself is the most accidental win, no one can claim actual fame or praise on that account.

A little pragmatism would make one presume that it is the contribution to the overall upbringing of the child which could earn a father the respect, and a place next to gods. I would posit, not even a contribution to the child's life lifts the father to an angelic level, deserving worship by the mere mortals. There a selfish desire which reflects in all that a father does, to propagate his own life and thought forward.

Every man lives with some ideals and thoughts which are considered too ambitious and pure even for his own consideration. There are those values that a man holds dear to himself, but are embarrassed even to bring it forth, even goes to the extent of disowning those when exposed to the world at large. Those deeply held faiths, in extremely private thoughts are left hidden there in the dark privacy of heart for the fear of being impractical.They are the white pigeons which one is fearful of allowing in open skies for the fear that they might not be able to take flight.

Through our children we let those pigeons out. They don't owe anything to us on that account. They at the same time, give us the audacity to adopt and embrace in public some of those ideas. One is able to do that for one realises, it is ideas that makes a man. It is the idea with which your progeny is likely to remember you and think of you, long after you are gone. You want your child to know you and remember you by the values you hold dear, and prods you to struggle to uphold those values for your child to see. Fatherhood makes you want to be a better man.

In fatherhood, one re-discovers the beauty and rebuilds the magic in life. It is not the beauty of child but beauty of life itself which touches life of the the father.
What can be more charming than the most beautiful girl in the world sleeping with her fairy hair band held in her hand, her round face a mirror of contentment and peace.

While writing this post, I wrote the following, looking at my five year old, as she slipped into sleep next to me.
"May peace always be on you. In the darkest of your nights, which you will have like everyone else, remember, there will always be a kinder, older and loving moon shining only for you, your father. I will burn my being to light the darkest of those nights with happy willingness.

May your sleep always be so peaceful, so salubrious, so happy to you and always so easy to come to you after every tiring and trying day, which you will have many, being the embodiment of a soul of constant struggle which comes to you from me.
May the God bless you for I know, your innocence holds within it promises of a great struggle for a better life, and a greater victory than what I cannot even fathom today with my limited imaginations. You will soar like an eagle over the mountains of low-life traditions, conventions and orthodoxy, and I will be the wind beneath your wings to carry you through the most arduous of your flights. I will be the moon of your nights, and wind of your flights, even when I am there or not, life being so unpredictable. Life can be unreliable, unpredictable, not your dad, who will always be there, even when he is not there. I want you to believe in it in the loneliest of your nights, for I will always be flowing through your veins."

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Unknown said…

This Father motivates, encourages and makes happy ! Such a subject where emotions overwhelm can be a challenge to get this close, and there is this representation after getting there, with this kind of connection, an amazing investment of time. Still smiling on quality bonding, seems eye to eye,... tender and warm experience rendered at ease. As always, from heart.

February 20, 2013 at 12:21 PM

Saket Suryesh said…

Love your comment. We live another life through our progeny, and to quote Khalil Gibran, life goes forward through them.

February 21, 2013 at 6:57 AM

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